Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
