dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
