I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
