I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
