And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
