I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
