I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
