i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize