i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
