is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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