Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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