Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
