Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
