So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
