I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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