Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
