God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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