I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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