it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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