Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
