I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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