I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
