I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
