This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
