We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
