i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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