just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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