You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
