you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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