Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
