She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
