U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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