I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
