I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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