I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
