Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I deserve this hangover.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
