I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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