I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
