I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
