You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize