The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Your dad touched me again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
