Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are my feet made of real feet?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
