I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
