I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
