he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
