Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
