i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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