Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize