why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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