Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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