from now on my penis is your penis
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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