My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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