How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
