i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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