Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
