You're so nebulous sometimes
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
