I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
