In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
