Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
