you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
