What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
