I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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