Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
