Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
