im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
