Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
