Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize