you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize