You really coming over, don't trick.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
50% drunk capacity currently
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
