Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize