you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
