That's when you crack a 10am beer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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