forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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