I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
