dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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