Don't make out with my wife yet
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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