Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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