Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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