....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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