and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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